Focus on me
by LibbyTweed
Summary: I just had to extend the opening of '02x19: Benjamin Franklin Grey Duffle' myself, so here it is (even if it's a bit late). It's a long way down and Mac can't control his panic. Fortunately, there's Jack. (contains mild swearing and panic attacks)


_**So, first of all, thank you for given this fic a chance. It's actually the first I've ever posted and I really would love to hear how you like it. English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. Please leave me a review and/or some constructive feedback.**_

 _ **About the story; well, I loved the opening and although there are some pretty great codas and extended scenes already, I just had to write one myself; because I saw the scene (by the way, great acting) and was just thinking: yep, but that is still a long way down (which was the alternate title of this) with nothing to do. In other words, it's the perfect setting for some great amount of panic, emotional hurt/comfort and a lot of bromance (which could be read as pre-slash, too, if you want; though it wasn't intended.)**_

 _ **Rated T because of mild swearing (as in 3 times the F-word); and I'm a little paranoid with my first fic.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: The character, the tv-series and the initial situation isn't mine; and I don't make any money with this. (Sad, but true)**_

 _ **And now, enjoy**_

* * *

 **Focus on me**

 _Focus. Breathe. Think. Find a way out of this._ Mac tried very hard to follow his own instructions, repeating it like a mantra over and over in his head to keep his panic at bay. Easier said than done, when he was actually told how high they were. And they were far too high for his liking.

"Guys, I'm trying to think", he pressed out, hand still – or again – clutching the frame of the trampoline, knuckles turned white.

 _Focus on the task at hand._ He drew in a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a moment. His math wasn't doing him any favor this time, calculating how high, how screwed up they were didn't help at all. So, they had to get down. How could they do that? He opened his eyes again as it hit him.

"We have to burst some balloons!"

With shaky fingers – and damn, as a bomb tech, his hands definitely shouldn't shaking – he took his pocket knife and braced himself to move; though his head wouldn't stop screaming at him that he would fall to his death if he would dare to move or let loose of the fabric from the trampoline. He _knew_ it was just in his head, but the movement still made his heart rate increase and left him feeling slightly nauseous.

But before he could even do anything, Jack fired his gun next to him, leaving his ears ringing.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm popping some balloons, Jack-Dalton-Style", he answered, sounding as amused and gleeful as he was since Mac let out the first "oh no" on their way up, when his acrophobia raised its ugly head.

"It's working! We're going down!" Riley cried from his other side.

"Good" he muttered, laying on his back again and closing his eyes to block out his unsettling surroundings, still flinching at every movement of the trampoline. "Okay."

"Don't worry, we'll be down faster than you can imagine", she said. Mac smiled grimly. He doubted that; he could imagine a lot of ways to go down even faster, that was a part of his problem.

"I can get us down even faster" Jack offered exited on his right. His eyes flew open in renewed panic as he heard the click of a new magazine and a terrifying thought crossed his mind.

"No, Jack, _don't_! Gravity is pulling us down already, if we get faster…" he broke off, couldn't finish the sentence, clenching his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut again; desperately trying to calculate how fast they were going down, more important, how likely they were going to survive the landing. _Fuck._ "How… how m-many…" he stuttered, unable to formulate his question and was grateful as Riley cut in, understanding the problem.

"If you shoot too many balloons and were getting down too fast, we're most likely going to crash, rather than landing safe and sound." She explained over his head to Jack's unvoiced question. Her words made him wince nonetheless.

"Don't say that either. Please."

"What? Down, crashing or landing?" she asked playfully, grinning at the uneasiness of the usually calm and rational man. "Either way, we're not going down that fast, so I don't think that should be any problem, or that Jack was too enthusiastic." ("Hey!") "It's going to be okay."

Mac nodded his acknowledge, trying to believe her and get his always hyperactive mind under control. _Everything will be fine. You're going down, nice and steady. So, calm down._ Then why can't he? It seemed like he was even more aware of the heights and his own fear of them, if that was possible. Without a task to focus on, his mind lost itself more and more in the increasing panic. _I can't focus. I can't think. Fuck, we're all going to die._

"Mac?" Riley sound concerned. Or was it Jack? Maybe both of them, he couldn't quite make it out; while he bites his lip to prevent himself from hyperventilating. Tremors had started to shake his body, which has nothing to do with the cold up here. And they were still too high up.

"Too high", he whispered between two rapid breathes, and couldn't help the yelp that escaped as the trampoline hit an air hole. His fingers frantically searching for something to hold on to, 'til finding the one thing that always promised safety – Jack, who had caught his flailing hand and doesn't let go, accepting the death grip without complaining.

"Mac, it's okay." His voice was calm, though it hurts him like hell seeing the kid fall apart like that. He shivered violently beside him; sweat floating down his almost ashen face, while the breathing of his friend was way too fast and shallow for his liking – and had nothing to do with the thin air up here. Nope, annoy the boy wouldn't help anymore, but that doesn't mean that he would just lay there and do nothing. The man's well-being was still _his_ responsibility, what he make quiet clear with a stern look in Riley's direction, who also had opened her mouth too say something. She closed it again, nodded slowly in understanding.

"Come on, man, look at me." Mac shook his head at the suggestion. He wouldn't, he _couldn't_ turn his already spinning head and open his tightly closed eyes; he doesn't want to see nothing but sky and balloons and – if he would turn his head too much – trough the fabric of the trampoline the ground, too far below them. "Oh no. No, no, _no, no, no_. Too high. We're too high _. Oh fuck_ ", he muttered under his breath, not even realizing that he does so. It broke Jacks heart.

"Mac, _look_ at me", he repeated himself, and more firm this time. He was still a bit surprised that it worked, because the kid slowly turned his head to him, wincing while he does so. Then, finally he opened his eyes, which practically scream in fear. The haunted look in those eyes really nearly kills Jack; giving him a bad feeling about making fun of his friend earlier.

"Good. Everything is going to be okay. You're fine. It's just a few more minutes. You'll be okay." His voice was soothing, reassuring. It was like talking to a wall.

"Jack, I… I can't _think_ ; I can't… I-I have to… It's just… Jack, _I can't_ …" Mac felt betrayed by his own mind. He couldn't even form a coherent sentence. His eyes flew around, searching for something to focus on – or even better an indication that they were close to the ground – but just found sky, above him and behind the edge of the trampoline, which was way too close for comfort. Closed eyes would be far better, he decided. But Jack obviously didn't think so.

"Oh no, you won't. You're not going to trap yourself in your mind again; we've got enough of that over the last weeks. So, open your eyes and _look_ _at_ _me_. Riley, time!" he demanded, not losing eye contact. "Three minutes, five tops." The answer came fast and short, without any forbidden word to upset him even further.

"See? That's no time at all. Come on, now, take a deep breath." Another thing that was easier said than done, when his racing heart, his cramped muscles, and his lungs demanded more oxygen than one breath can seem to offer. He tried nonetheless, growing frustrated when it doesn't work at his third attempt.

"I'm trying", he told Jack, who just watched him patiently.

"I know. You're doing great. Just focus on me." Well, _that_ was something he was sure he could do. Focus on the warm and patient eyes that were locked with his; focus on the deep breathes the older man take in; focus on the hand, that still hold his and ground him in some way; focus on his friend, his partner, who so often saved his life and who has always been there, whenever he needed him. Breathing suddenly became easier. Finally, he said:

"You do know that there isn't such a thing as 'no time', right? Time is a constant; it's just our perception of the concept of time that changes every now and then."

Riley chuckled beside him and Jack grinned and answered:

"Well, I'm pretty sure time can stretch. Have I ever told you that I fell into a cactus as a kid?"

This time, Riley laughed out loud and even Mac managed a little smile, as his friend told a colorful story about how he fell into said cactus and that it took 'definitely hours' to get rid of the spikes. While Jack kept talking, Mac felt himself getting… well, calmer. Was he still afraid? Hell yes, but with the man he could always relay on by his side (god, he even broke into Mattys house for him), his fear became more tolerable. However, his newfound calm vanish the instant Riley cut in from his left side:

"Sorry to interrupt you, Jack, but could you finish the story when we're down? We're going to land in about 30 seconds, so you better grip the rail of this thing."

Oh God, what if they were too fast? What if they land on a building or a fence or a living being? What if…? But Jack effectively stopped the "what if's", tapping his hand reassuringly and smiling, while he said:

"You better hold on with both hands. This is going be one hell of a rodeo."

He sounded way too exited from Macs point of view. The only thing that prevented him from falling into another panic attack was that he had a task again; even if it just was to hold onto the frame of the trampoline for dear life, waiting anxiously for the impact. One hell of a rodeo was actually a pretty accurate description as the trampoline hit the ground hard, bouncing up again, once, twice; a third time. Then, it was finally over.

Mac wasn't quite ready to move his hand - or actually any part of him - again, mentally checking himself for any injuries; but beside a hurting back and numb fingers from clutching the frame of the trampoline so hard, he seemed to be unharmed. His heart was pounding in his chest, while fear and relief equally ran through him. They made it. _He_ made it. _Never_ _again_! Right then, Jack half-heartily joked:

"Is everyone alive?"

A breathless "yes" came from his left. He didn't answer as his mind goes up again, forced him to relive the experience, playing every possible outcome through. In most of the scenarios his mind offered him, they died – or at least get hurt. And it would have been his fault. It was _his_ idea to escape on a flying trampoline. A really stupid idea, when he thought about it now. His dark thoughts were interrupted by a light touch on his shoulder.

"Hey, bud, you okay? I told you we get down safely."

Right, they were down. And he really had to get down completely, desperate to feel the soil under his feet, his hands. He was still dizzy and shaky and almost pushed his friend away, as the urge to get off this thing become unbearable.

"Move."

Jack was off in an instant, watching his friend worriedly as he roll off the trampoline, laid shaking on the earth, once again unable to catch his breath in the after-shock. He shot a short look in Riley's direction, asking for privacy; before he was at his friend side, right where he belongs. And also right before Mac throw up beside him. He winced in sympathy, one hand softly on the boys back while holding a sweaty hand with his other again. He just wished he could do something else to really help him ease the fear.

Finally, Mac slowly looked up, ashamed of himself and his fear and his lack of self-control. Some tears of fear and relieve and exhaustion had escaped his eyes, which Jack kindly ignores. He drew in another shaky breath, before he said:

"Sorry… This is stupid. I shouldn't… Sorry."

"Don't apologize. There's nothing wrong with being afraid of something."

"I still shouldn't lose my nerves in a situation like that!"

"And you didn't. You did great until there was nothing else to do but to wait. That's okay."

"That's even more stupid; to lose it when there's no real danger anymore. It's so… irrational."

"Well, that's basically the definition of phobia, as you know."

Mac just waved him off, looking down again. He was still unhappy about how he handled the situation. And something else bothered him, too.

"It wasn't that bad in a long time."

Jack was grateful that his friend doesn't look at him, so he couldn't see how hard the brokenly mumbled words hit him or the flash of anger in his eyes. The boy had gone through so much; life really should give him a break. He lost both parents at such a young age, although under different circumstances. As if coping with the death of his mother wasn't hard enough, his father simply left, leaving the kid alone. His anger at the unknown man grew again. How could he do that to his son? How could he deal with himself after leaving the young genius? And _how_ _could_ _he_ still mess with the kid's head; sending him clues that lead to nothing, instead of calling?!

Unknowingly he had started again to caress the back under his hand; but Mac didn't seem to mind. So he took a deep breath before he finally answered.

"You've been through a lot lately. Even you can't handle weeks without proper sleep and all the shit we have to deal with on a daily basis. The whole thing with your father just makes it worth. You're exhaust – and you have every right to be. So it's quite understandable, when you couldn't cope with your fear on top of all that now. You shouldn't be too hard with yourself."

They sat in silent for a while after that, lost in thoughts. Jack used the time to really look around where they landed. Suddenly, he chuckled as he took in their surroundings. Mac looked up.

"What?"

"Dude, do you know where we are?"

"Eh…I'm pretty sure we're somewhere in Europe, why?"

"Man, we just landed in a corn field; with a trampoline, on top of that. We've just made our own crop circles!"

Mac looked around and joined in the laughter of his friend, fear and shame finally disappear as they joke around.

A few meters away Riley finally had service, so she quickly called Matty to get a transport back home and out of this nothingness. After she gave a short explanation to her boss, she could hear the resolute woman calling orders to get everything organized.

When she heard the laughter of the two men, she turned her head in their direction, smiling softly. She couldn't deny that she was worried up there; she never saw Mac afraid like that, never thought she would.

But it also showed her again how special the relationship, how deep the bond between the two partners was. So, as Matty - almost casually, but unable to fully hide the concern in her voice - asked, how Mac was doing; Riley smiled and simply answered:

"He's fine. Jack is with him."

* * *

 _ **The end**_

 _ **I hope you liked it, please leave me a review.**_

 _ **Tweedles, Libby**_


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